


I care

by alliseeisred



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Worried Eddie Diaz, dealing with FEELINGS
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:39:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29700672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alliseeisred/pseuds/alliseeisred
Summary: everyone's pinky finger is tied to an invisible red string that will lead him or her to another person with whom they will make history with. ... The red string might get tangled, contracted or stretched, as surely often happens, but it can never break.
Relationships: Eddie Diaz & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley & Eddie Diaz
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> another buddie fic and i have no idea where this is heading 🤗

it was a tense shift at the 118 everybody was just barely holding on and they all felt it, that's why none dared to step on each other's toes the whole day and by the end of the shift it became apparent that everybody was dealing with something... and eddie could only focus on what was bothering buck.

He of course cared about the team and cared about their problems and what was bothering them but it was selfishly always buck first, thinking about how each of them had their own support system back at home and if they didn't unburdened with each other at work they'll definitely be able to back at home, Hen has karen and she was obviously worried about being in med school , chimney has maddy and they're preparing to be new parents and damn did he remember that part and bobby has athena and buck has him and oh does he have him... they were now each other's support systems. Even though everything was very brand new to them they only made it official two weeks ago, it was confusing crossing that line of friendship to something more?

What was even more confusing was how buck acted when he went out with that one date with anna, it screamed jealousy even for someone as oblivious as him and when he finally confronted buck about it, he got his answer and it lead them to finally admit to each other what the other meant for each of them but now,

eddie couldn't decide what was it that made everything so complicated he thought about how nothing much changed after they finally crossed that line well except the physical part of their relationship and how much they opened up to each other like a real couple does, he smiled remembering how delighted christopher was when they finally broke the news to him

_"agh finally buck gets to live with us" his son beamed with happiness, everything was finally how it was supposed to be, but then buck changed._

He only started noticing a couple of days ago when buck's smile didn't reach his eyes, when buck fooled everyone else but him, when he started eating less and less, when he flinched from eddie's touch and it terrified him, he wrecked his brain on what could've happened during these last days, did buck leave his sight long enough for something so terrible to happen to him to have him change like this?

or maybe that was it, was buck sick of seeing him all day? they were together the whole day, they worked together and went back home together? did buck need a break from him?

he was shaken out of his memories and thoughts when he heard that voice again, buck's sigh so he turned around in the couch they were gathered in to finally try to breathe a little while waiting for their final hour on the shift, buck was next to him but he felt like he was miles away

"what's wrong with you now..." hen was the one to break the silence that fell on them all so they noticed too? and chim looked up from the baby book he was reading, they all still couldn't believe he was going to be a dad soon!

"yeah buck what's wrong now" chim replied with an almost irritated but lightheaded tone like he secretly knew but is trying to pretend not to... what the hell happened? So, he did what he was best at he turned to read buck, he knew his body language better than anyone, he had plenty of time to learn and pass the class of _"whats buck feeling right now?"_

he lowered his eyes and saw buck's slight fist clench and his swift change of posture as if he was trying his hardest to conceal his obvious anger and then he spoke with the fakest cheeriest tone he ever heard him before

"well chimeny im actually extremely happy right now!" right and im _not_ head over heels in love with you, you idiot.... eddie thought and he knew then buck was hiding something, they were ok during the shifts but as soon as they leave and settle inside away from their work place it goes so painfully silent and different, he remembered the first time it happened... when he noticed buck was hiding something

_Flashback_

it was the first time he noticed something was up with buck when he literally dropped his fakest smile as soon as he was out of the 118 sight, they were leaving the station and heading for their car and soon as they were in, buck got in passengers seat tossing the keys to eddie

"what don't wanna drive?" he asked confused cause buck was almost always the one to drive them back home he looked over to him and saw him shrug and look out the window

"hey buck what's wrong?" he asked full of worry please just tell me

"nothing eddie can we just go" buck replied back obviously irritated and avoiding his eyes

"no buck im not starting this car until you tell me" which was a little immature of him but desperate measures for desperate times right?

buck chuckled and glanced at him quickly and began avoiding his eyes once again "pft seriously?"

"yeah seriously buck! now will you just tell me" then he saw buck eyes shut hard like he was scrambling for a way out of this and the next thing that came out of his mouth was the last thing he ever expected

buck finally turned towards him and looked him straight in the eyes "if you don't move i will get out of here, go back to the station and get naked in front of everyone that's still there" he said in a promise and that just left him completely baffled because what the actual fuck?

He was so tired that day, he had christopher and his family to deal with, he loved them all more than anything but damn some days were so tiring and now buck being so absolutely not buck so he hung his head down and with not having a single bone of his body willing to fight that day and went back home....

_end of flashback_

"EARTH TO EDDIE" he flinched out his thoughts with the sound of hen shouting at him, he completely forgot where he was for a second

"oh, sorry what?"

"we've been trying to call you for the last five minutes buddy..." said chimney and he turned around and buck was gone

"don't worry he said he needs air" hen told him when she saw how his eyes popped out in worry and he deflated in relief after and then he realized it was only him, hen and chimney

"oh my god chim you gotta help me" he said desperately, he never really believed them when they were all on edge cause of that "jinxed" day but it was interesting what people believed so he had a sleepless night diving into superstitious and beliefs and he came across the invisible string myth and according to this myth said straight from google, _everyone's pinky finger is tied to an invisible red string that will lead him or her to another person with whom they will make history with. ... The red string might get tangled, contracted or stretched, as surely often happens, but it can never break._ and he’d believed it for the first time in his life he believed a myth cause anything that’s connected to buck, he’ll always believe in and he’d be damned if their red string broke, he’d rather break himself in half before that happened…

“look eddie I really don’t know the whole thing” chimney told him in an exhausted sigh

“AH but you do know _something_!!” he exclaimed and saw chim deflate “please chim have some mercy on me” he whined and it was obvious to both chim and hen that this is something that has been torturing him for awhile

“agh fuck why did I of all people who can’t ever keep a secret become a part of a family who would just casually let their own secrets out” chim hid his face with his hands and let out a frustrating groan and he still heard eddie’s repeated pleases so he gave up and hoped buck wouldn’t hate him later

“I swear to god eddie if you ever tell him I said anythingggg”

“I won’t chim I promise you my life just fucking tell me!!” and as soon as chim started to talk and hen was looking between them clearly enjoying this show, they all halted when they heard the sirens..

Their last call on the last hour

“DAMMIT” eddie shrieked and they all got up to get ready again and before chim had the chance to even get up eddie grabbed him by the arm

“chim I swear this isn’t over you will fucking tell me”


	2. Chapter 2

It was a house call and they were all still tense and hoped to god that it would be something accidental that can be put out easily and save everyone and leave and it was _finally_ their lucky day well given the circumstances anyways, it did turn out to be a small fire in the kitchen that was started by a bad cooking recipe, a mom and her 2 kids a boy who looked like he was still in his teens and a girl who was just a baby and the son was the one who called it he was clutching the baby girl in his hand screaming that their mom was still in there, no mention of the dad so they all got it and went in to save the mother while the others were busy enough putting out the fire and guiding people who stood and watched, that was something eddie would never understand, he was guilty of it sure stopping and watch a disaster happen but for him he could actually do something to help and he wondered if that was what people craved after all or was it just their fight or flight? but it was clear to them that the mom was exhausted and wasn’t paying attention but they decided to call it a good save, everyone was out and reunited.

Buck stood outside the house with the rest of the team knowing everyone is safe and the family are all on their way to the ER, he looked up at the inky blackness of the night sky and like an iceberg the night seemed to harden around him, like it was engulfing him just like how his mind was wrapping him up in darkness then he flinched when he felt the touch of the only light that can pull him out of this _eddie_

“hey there you are, you ready” he turned to look at him and gave him a weak smile and nodded, no words could describe how much his mere presence saved him.

Finally, back at the station while everyone went to the locker room to change and finally fucking _finally_ head home and eddie felt sweat coated his exposed chest, and he wiped his brow with his forearm grabbing his shirt from his own locker the heaviness of the day getting to him when he heard chim’s holler

“wooh eddie man have you been working out” he turned around grinning at the compliment while quickly putting his shirt on but what he didn’t expect was buck’s sudden burst of coughs

“whoa whoa buck slow down” he patted bucks chest and rubbed circles on his back with the other hand and gave him a bottle of water until he slowed down and drew in a steadying breath

“hey you good what happened” completely focused on him and he looked down and noticed one of buck’s shoes were unlaced "hey hold up there" so without a second thought he got down and fixed it for him then he felt bucks hand on his shoulder and he froze

over the last 4 days buck avoiding touching him like he was fire it was ironically cause they both walked through fire every day without question and he tried his hardest not to let it known how much that simple touch affected him like it did

"thanks, eddie" and he heard bucks small voice above him and looked up he was still on his knees and the way buck was looking at him he was sure that if he wasn't already on his knees, seeing buck like that would've made him be on the floor... his breath hitched, is buck gonna finally forgive him for whatever the fuck he did wrong?

"cmon lets go home" buck cleared his throat and averted his eyes fidgeting and slowly held his hand down to help and it took him a second to register he still didnt get up so he grabbed on and buck pulled him up and he clutched bucks hand hard unwilling to let go while buck tried to let go of his as soon as eddie got up but now he couldn't

"ah eddie what are you doing" still trying to get his hand out from eddies firm grasp until suddenly eddie moved to grabbing his forearm locking bucks hand by holding on to his shoulders and bringing him closer to him so that they were chest to chest,

"weeeelll ill take this as my cue to leave" they heard chimney say but eddie didnt move a single inch he was watching buck studying him again holding him still

"eddie let go" he was getting frustrated now he tried to push eddie away but he didn’t budge

**"no"** if buck won't let him know whatever's happening, he'll try everything

"eddie please let go"

"not until you can look me in the eyes without seeming like it physically burns you to do so buck" eddie was as calm as he always was which always scared buck a little sometimes eddie could be so far removed from his feelings it takes days to bring him back but he could see sadness in his eyes

so buck slowly looked up until their eyes locked and they often say the soul, fortunately, has an interpreter - often an unconscious but still a faithful interpreter - in the eye, and eddie sees fear in bucks, he was afraid of something, was buck scared of him? no that couldn't be

"buck please I beg you just tell me what's wrong"

"eddie i don't know what you're talking about **nothing** is wrong" he was angry, buck was so transparent to him now

“you know buck, a heart can be broken, but it keeps on beating, just the same and I don’t know if I can keep getting mine to do so” he was so tired and everything was finally getting to him, he knew sometimes people would separate them being firefighters from being actual human beings who have their own lives and are actually capable of being afraid and tired and he was he was extremely bone tired

"I won't ask you anymore but you just can't keep acting like there's nothing wrong, I know you're in pain and I know when you're happy, I know when you're afraid and I know when you're faking and that's because _I love you_ buck... and it hurts me so much to see you in pain and to think I might be the reason for it so please when you feel like you wanna talk know that I will be waiting but for now I can't keep asking you anymore" _I can’t feel my heart break anymore_ , He felt a flash of guilt at the panicked way buck called his name when he slowly let go of him his fingers still brushing bucks elbow and leaned in so close that whoever were to walk in would definitely think they're interrupting something but eddie just whispered

"i'll wait for you in the car" and he fully let go and turned around, buck felt empty he didn’t want to think about anything anymore, the way eddie spoke broke his heart and he did the only thing a person who bottled up so much inside, a sudden reaction, he punched his locker and kept punching like he was suddenly without a mind, He was coated with sweat and exhaustion, but he wouldn't stop until he beat the fury out of him.

The room shook with power, the very air electrifying the clear rage that this being now emitted, until he finally started feeling the pain and he cursed himself cause there’s no way to cover his bloodied hands, his chest heaved rapidly with heavy panting and he stopped to catch his breath,

He closed his eyes willing himself to turn around and wanting to believe that eddie is still there for him and he said he loved him, he won’t leave like everyone else did but his insecurities wouldn’t let him accept for a second that someone like eddie _cared_ about him like he did, he didn’t know if he broke his hands but his bloodied knuckles are hurting so much but at least he feels something other than the pain that was created in his own mind, so he waits and waits until his breath is steady.

_“you messed up again evan”_

_“why does everyone leave you evan”_

_“do you think eddie would be the exception?”_

His mind kept repeating awful thoughts over and over again he didn’t know how to make them stop, he was exhausted so he ran and he ran not stopping until he was out of the station he didn’t know if eddie saw him but he didn’t care he just wanted to run until his legs failed him and he had to stop, he looked around and realized he was a couple of miles away from the station what was he doing? Why is he so stupid? He shook his head and looked down at his hands they were shaking, dried blood all over, honestly if athena saw him like this, she’d immediately arrest him, he looked like he did something bad and ran away to save his life and huh? He kinda did… eddie, he hurt eddie real bad…

He sighed and wished time can turn back and he can stop being so childish, his head was a little clearer he didn’t know what the hell took over him, then a car honk made him jump back in surprise and damn the night couldn’t get any worse

“buck what the hell was that, please baby just get in, whatever it is we can work through it please, I promise” it was eddie he sounded scared, he followed him, he kept following him…

he wasn’t worth it, why would eddie _care_ and like his limbs couldn’t hold him up anymore he fell down, A great sob escaped him, and he covered his face with his shaking bloodied hands the only thought in his head was

_“I don’t think my heart can take watching you love someone else again.”_ But before he knew it he felt strong arms wrapped around him and lifting him up and he barley could make out that he was now in eddie’s car but everything else was just white noise to him….


End file.
